Moving on & Facing fears..

Hey beauties! 

Sorry it's been a while, I've had some things going on.. But I'm gonna jump straight into this deep pool of words! 

I've recently come out of a relationship with someone who made me happy for the majority of a year. I'm not gonna lie, it came as a shock to me.. Caught me off guard and threw me to the cold concreted ground, confused and a little scared. 

I've battled for some time with some demons which have caused me to become detached from the world around me on an emotional level. It's difficult to describe.. but imagine being surrounded by people who love you.. But not being able to appreciate them the way you probably should. It's gets a lonely place when you can't escape your inner fears! It's easy to pretend everything is ok and carry on like life's peachy.. But tell me, what does this achieve when the going gets tough? 

I realise now that happiness is not something you gain from other people, it's something you get from yourself, your accomplishments and your doing. I'm not saying people don't help, of course my friends and family make me happy.. But sometimes when they aren't there and there is nobody to fill the gap it's difficult to remain that way. Especially when your biggest fear is people leaving you..

I've decided that from now on I'm gonna put me first, I've lived the past 4 years catering to the needs of people who disappear. Taking a handful of good memories and a broken heart from the experiences. I don't regret this though, I'm thankful that I have been loved and loved in return. Who doesn't want that? I don't feel sad or feel any regret anymore, just because something doesn't work out, doesn't mean you should live a lifetime with grudges. I did that for a while, I held my grudges. I believed that because I was hurting they should hurt 10x worse, but they shouldn't. They deserve to be happy too, like we all do. 

Letting go is hard, you've got to be brave and go it alone. My mum told me relationships are a learning curve, you learn to realise what you do and don't deserve. I'm not the oldest or the wisest girl in the world but I've had two very different and very meaningful relationships with two great guys, they just weren't great for me. Blaming yourself for a failed relationship is second nature, but there's no blame if it doesn't work out.. Especially if you tried. 

You should fall in love, you should get your heartbroken and you should get back up, smile and do it all over again until you meet the right person for you. 

Letting go is the best thing you can do for yourself, no matter how many 'what if's' you have about a past relationship that won't make them be 'the one' for you. If they were, they would have never left in the first place. Don't be scared though because I can guarantee you, someone is somewhere, but for now, learn to love yourself. 

I hope in some way, this may help someone. I'm a little scared to post this but I'm facing my fears, why don't you face yours with me? In the words of Bob Marley: don't worry, about a thing, 'cause every little thing.. Is gonna be alright. 

Thanks for reading beauties.. Il be back with a body shop haul and review soon! 

Stefi xoxo