Be your own hero..

Erm.. How do I start off this blog..?

Ok well, It's been a long time since I blogged and to be honest I'm not going to even make an excuse for the lack of posts. However I wanted to write one today because I had this feeling where I just need to say a few things, even if nobody even reads it (but if you do I hope in some way it helps or reaches out to you).

I've recently learnt to love the life I live, even the shitty parts. I haven't had a smooth run, but has anybody?
I spent years depressed and anxious; scared to live. This is the first time I've ever admitted that to anyone apart from my family and very close friends, but I've learnt to slap a fuck it on what people think, why should I be ashamed of the fact I suffered? Why should any of us?
I realised the only person who could save me was myself, so I made selfish choices for the first time ever and I decided that I need to put me first. The best choices I've made have been the scariest ones, the once with no certainty, that being said I have never been more content for doing so.. mainly because I love playing with fire haha!
I find myself avoiding any situation which may put me in a position where I may need to settle, because that's not me anymore. I will never settle for anything or anyone who/that doesn't bring anything to my table. I am here living my life and I live it exactly the way I want. I am not scared to tell people exactly how it is, if someone pisses me off they know. If anyone screws me over once rest assured I won't let them screw me over twice. Some call it brutal, I call it strength, just because I walk away from situations or people, it doesn't mean that it's easy and that I don't hurt. I just know that if I aren't where I need to be I have to leave vice versa; if they aren't where they need to be I need to set them free too, even if as much as I wished I could be everything someone needs, if I'm not they have the right to go find someone who is. Letting go is the hard part but holding on is what gives you the pain.
We all have a choice, a choice to be happy everyday when we wake up we have that choice!
I just want those who are/have suffered like me to know you are not alone in this world, you just have to find the strength inside to fight for the life you want, be your own hero, stop trying to find a hero in others as you can never rely on anyone the way you can rely on yourself. You will just end up disappointed, forever pondering questions that nobody can give you answers to, because the truth is you are the only one who can answer them, you just need to search a little deeper within yourself for the answers. I know it seems that I'm making it sound easy, I know its not easy its taken me 5 years to get to this place but if I can do it, so can you.

'Life is fleeting' - no truer phrase I have ever heard. We are all alive, but can you honestly say you are 'living'? Do you wake up in a morning and think 'I am blessed for this breath and I am blessed for the people and things I have in my life'?

If you love someone or miss someone just tell them, what have you got to lose? Holding it in hurts more than letting it out (just think about your farts man, that trapped gas feeling is never pleasant, similar thing applies with unspoken words) Remember nobody knows when their time is up so never leave any words unspoken. On that note I just want to thank those who have supported me in my darkest of hours.. remember; 'Happiness can always be found, even in the darkest of times, if one just remembers to turn on the light'

(my apologies to those who may find errors in my punctuation etc. I gave it my best shot and to be honest I ain't got time for giving a shit about it)

Fix up, look sharp

Stefi xoxo

Changes.

Hey beauties,

I thought I would write a post as it's been so long, literally.. like almost a year?!
So here is what I have been doing..
First of all I have FINALLY finished University and managed to graduate with a 2:2! I am so pleased with this result and anybody who is/has been close to me will know how proud I am of myself for achieving that grade, it made all the hard work worth while.

It feels so surreal that three years have passed and I actually have to be an adult now. It's actually harder to adjust to adult life than my actual degree was, no joke. I've still got to master cooking and cleaning, but apparently creative people are messy people, so I think I'm going to use that as my excuse until I figure them out.

So after I graduated I wasted no time in putting myself out there career wise. I left Schuh in June of last year, after 5 years which was kind of crazy but it was time to make that move. I now work at Kurt Geiger, so apparently I can't keep away from shoes, I think they might be my weakness. I am loving my job and I feel like I have got an exciting career ahead of me with KG.

I've had a year full of changes and new beginnings but these are just a few examples I have shared with you. Changes are still happening too and they are even tougher, but I believe everything happens for a reason and that's what pulls me through. I am so thankful for the people who have been in my life and even more thankful for those who have stayed, but I've got love for you all for playing your part in my life. Is it strange to say I feel at peace? Or should I be using the term content? Whichever it is, that's how I feel. I don't have everything yet, but I am working on it. For now I am doing me, working on where I am going and learning from where I have been. Perseverance leads to progression and I am feeling positive for my future.

Thank you for taking the time to read this, I hope you didn't find it to heavy for a Sunday night..

Much love,

Stefi xoxo