Excuses for happy.

So,

I was gonna beat around the bush with this one, but I'm not gonna, 'cause just like Skepta says.. that's not me, so here goes..

How many of us make excuses? By that I mean, excuses to stay in a saddened relationship, or a dead end job, so on and so forth, etc.. etc.. How many of us find every reason to stay, when we know deep down, the most important reasons are the ones that tell you to leave. Are you happy, or are you just comfortable? Why do we battle with our mind instead of finding peace with it?

These aren't rhetorical questions. These questions are here for you to try and answer. Imagine you are the strongest person you know, because you are, especially when you realise the only barriers you have to face, are the ones YOU put up. Now, don't get me wrong I know me typing this behind a laptop screen makes everything seem so easy. I know its hard honey pie's, I really do and I will be honest with you, sometimes I still doubt the choices I've made because of the 'what if's' that flood my mind from time to time, but do you know what I do with them 'what if's'? I slap a fuck it on 'em because without change we'd never move and in the long run, those changes have got me to a place where I can hand on heart say I am happy. I'm not that weird chick who's always happy mind, people piss me off on a daily and I cry sometimes (usually when I see a really cute puppy or when I'm hungover) but overall, I am as content as a pig rolling around in it's own muck.

I don't actually have an aim with this blog post, but my mind was active and apparently I love to preach. If only we were all aware of just how fleeting life can be, then maybe we wouldn't second think the things we want to say, or the things we want to do.

If you have read this blog post, thank you and remember..

Choose happy,

Stefi xoxo

Changes.

Hey beauties,

I thought I would write a post as it's been so long, literally.. like almost a year?!
So here is what I have been doing..
First of all I have FINALLY finished University and managed to graduate with a 2:2! I am so pleased with this result and anybody who is/has been close to me will know how proud I am of myself for achieving that grade, it made all the hard work worth while.

It feels so surreal that three years have passed and I actually have to be an adult now. It's actually harder to adjust to adult life than my actual degree was, no joke. I've still got to master cooking and cleaning, but apparently creative people are messy people, so I think I'm going to use that as my excuse until I figure them out.

So after I graduated I wasted no time in putting myself out there career wise. I left Schuh in June of last year, after 5 years which was kind of crazy but it was time to make that move. I now work at Kurt Geiger, so apparently I can't keep away from shoes, I think they might be my weakness. I am loving my job and I feel like I have got an exciting career ahead of me with KG.

I've had a year full of changes and new beginnings but these are just a few examples I have shared with you. Changes are still happening too and they are even tougher, but I believe everything happens for a reason and that's what pulls me through. I am so thankful for the people who have been in my life and even more thankful for those who have stayed, but I've got love for you all for playing your part in my life. Is it strange to say I feel at peace? Or should I be using the term content? Whichever it is, that's how I feel. I don't have everything yet, but I am working on it. For now I am doing me, working on where I am going and learning from where I have been. Perseverance leads to progression and I am feeling positive for my future.

Thank you for taking the time to read this, I hope you didn't find it to heavy for a Sunday night..

Much love,

Stefi xoxo

Moving on & Facing fears..

Hey beauties! 

Sorry it's been a while, I've had some things going on.. But I'm gonna jump straight into this deep pool of words! 

I've recently come out of a relationship with someone who made me happy for the majority of a year. I'm not gonna lie, it came as a shock to me.. Caught me off guard and threw me to the cold concreted ground, confused and a little scared. 

I've battled for some time with some demons which have caused me to become detached from the world around me on an emotional level. It's difficult to describe.. but imagine being surrounded by people who love you.. But not being able to appreciate them the way you probably should. It's gets a lonely place when you can't escape your inner fears! It's easy to pretend everything is ok and carry on like life's peachy.. But tell me, what does this achieve when the going gets tough? 

I realise now that happiness is not something you gain from other people, it's something you get from yourself, your accomplishments and your doing. I'm not saying people don't help, of course my friends and family make me happy.. But sometimes when they aren't there and there is nobody to fill the gap it's difficult to remain that way. Especially when your biggest fear is people leaving you..

I've decided that from now on I'm gonna put me first, I've lived the past 4 years catering to the needs of people who disappear. Taking a handful of good memories and a broken heart from the experiences. I don't regret this though, I'm thankful that I have been loved and loved in return. Who doesn't want that? I don't feel sad or feel any regret anymore, just because something doesn't work out, doesn't mean you should live a lifetime with grudges. I did that for a while, I held my grudges. I believed that because I was hurting they should hurt 10x worse, but they shouldn't. They deserve to be happy too, like we all do. 

Letting go is hard, you've got to be brave and go it alone. My mum told me relationships are a learning curve, you learn to realise what you do and don't deserve. I'm not the oldest or the wisest girl in the world but I've had two very different and very meaningful relationships with two great guys, they just weren't great for me. Blaming yourself for a failed relationship is second nature, but there's no blame if it doesn't work out.. Especially if you tried. 

You should fall in love, you should get your heartbroken and you should get back up, smile and do it all over again until you meet the right person for you. 

Letting go is the best thing you can do for yourself, no matter how many 'what if's' you have about a past relationship that won't make them be 'the one' for you. If they were, they would have never left in the first place. Don't be scared though because I can guarantee you, someone is somewhere, but for now, learn to love yourself. 

I hope in some way, this may help someone. I'm a little scared to post this but I'm facing my fears, why don't you face yours with me? In the words of Bob Marley: don't worry, about a thing, 'cause every little thing.. Is gonna be alright. 

Thanks for reading beauties.. Il be back with a body shop haul and review soon! 

Stefi xoxo